Although this blog is mainly about career change, self-improvement, and reaching mental stability, I am also part of the story. I have a guest who comes with me, someone I didn’t invite, but who will stay with me for the rest of my life. At least, according to current science.
Yes, it’s Crohn’s. If you read the “About me” section, then you know a bit more about me. You know that not long ago, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. This changed my life quite a lot.
What is Crohn’s?
For those who don’t know what this is, let me explain it briefly. I’m not a doctor and I don’t work in healthcare, but I will try. Crohn’s disease is a type of chronic autoimmune disease. The point is that the immune system works abnormally and starts attacking itself. In the case of Crohn’s, this happens in the intestines.
Visually, it is like something is constantly causing bleeding wounds on your body, you can’t do anything about it, and sooner or later, your arm would just fall off. But you don’t see it because it happens inside your intestines. Okay, maybe that was a strong and exaggerated example, but you will see more like this while reading my posts.
Treatment and Reality
The point is, according to science today, this cannot be cured. If necessary, they perform surgeries, or give medicines and biological therapy to make it symptom-free. The good news is that it can be symptom-free even for decades. The bad news? Once you start the therapy, you usually have to take it for the rest of your life. At least until there is a cure.
But how can you accept this and live with it while your dream is to change your career and move abroad? Well, for me, it is still difficult. What I say here are just my own thoughts and feelings, not fixed facts, please don’t take them as such!
The Journey to Diagnosis
So for me, in the beginning, I was just after a surgery for a side effect that caused a lot of physical pain. Actually, I was just happy that it hurt less.
Then later, when the diagnosis was clear, I started reading on the internet, like every other person. I wanted to know what it was, how long it lasted, how it’s treated, and what changes it brings. Of course, what worked for one person might not work for me, but I always liked to see the different options.
The Paradox of Time
I would say it was hard at first, but that would be a lie. Actually, the more time passes since I found out, the harder it gets for me. It’s a strange paradox, right? At the beginning, I was in a “zen mode” for about two months. I felt that everything was fine, if my goals and plans changed, they changed, no problem. This was never typical of me, as I am usually a stressed person. Although I can adapt to unexpected situations easily, when it happens in my personal life and ruins my plans, it is very disturbing for me.
So, the first two months passed like this. Looking back, I’m glad about it; I think this was a better outcome than panicking or breaking down. However, my productivity did not increase, unfortunately. At work, I didn’t change, I solved everything as I had to, but outside of work, I lost my focus. At that time, it didn’t bother me yet. It has been difficult in recent years anyway, but after this, everything somehow felt lost.
I guess you have felt this too. Or maybe you are feeling it right now?
Planning and Fears
After this, I started creating new plans. This has been very active ever since. Unfortunately, I plan and think ahead too much, and I only want to act at the “best time.” There is no such thing as the “best time.” But I will talk about this later.
My plans changed almost every day; sometimes the whole plan went into the trash and another one replaced it. What I thought was a good idea one week, I didn’t like a week later. This was probably when panic arrived somewhere in my subconscious. I realized that moving abroad is difficult when you receive this therapy because it is very expensive in other countries. Even if you get a work visa and health insurance, almost no insurance company covers this.
The only option left was that I would have to travel home every two months for treatment. It is free here at home, and flying back every two months is still cheaper than paying for the therapy elsewhere. But this plan makes working abroad more difficult. Even though it’s only 2-3 days, an employer might not like the situation. But that is a mystery of the future.
From Plans to Projects
By now, my plans are mostly moving in one direction. I’m just making fine adjustments, and I’ve started taking steps, not just planning. As soon as you take a step towards your goals, it is no longer a plan, but a project. In a project, there are milestones. Always look only at the next milestone, not the final goal. Believe me, the whole thing will be less scary.
Overall, the therapy seems to be working so far, my goals are taking their final shape, and finally, I don’t just have plans, but projects that I have started. Will I finish all of them? That is a secret of the future, but I will try to share it with you.
Have you ever been in a similar situation? Or are you in the middle of one right now? Write it in the comments, maybe there is someone who has already experienced what you are going through!